The 'Wrong Wall' Trap: Why Ambitious Leaders Fail to Find True Success | Mark J. Silverman

This is right about now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. We are the number one business show on the planet with over 1 million downloads a month. We've taken the BS out of business for over six years and over 400 episodes. You ready to start snapping necks and caching checks? Well, it starts right about now. What's up guys, welcome to right about now, we're always bringing you today's best and brightest guests. We're trying to bring you value, not about yesterday, not about next year, about today, now, right about now. That's what we've got, author of the rising leader, handbook, Mark, Silverman, what's up, Mark. You have to see you, appreciate you for coming on, passing the fortress of armor that is our team that said, you need to talk to Mark, highest compliment I can give you as you

pass that. I need to help us team boost your smart guy doing smart things, helping smart people. So that's value. That's what we're here to do. I know we're working with leaders, we're teaching them how to have and utilize and keep emotional intelligence challenges you see or the problems that you tackle the most. Getting derailed, that's probably the number one challenge. Everybody that I work with is super talented, they're super smart. They know their jobs better than I will ever know their jobs. They even know leadership, like they've read a lot of the same books you and I have read that have been to some trainings. The problem is, you know, the nervous system regulation, emotional regulation, when life throws speed bumps at you, what do you do when you get your ducks in a row and then

People's definition of success is different and a success for an entrepreneur or a success for an executive might be something different, but I think the most important thing is knowing who you are and then knowing what you want. What is the outcome you want? How many times have you heard people say they'd climb the ladder, but it was on the wrong wall? Not knowing exactly what you want, the outcome you want, how you want to feel, who you want to be with when you get there is probably the most important thing. It seems so simple, Mark, but it's very true because you will sometimes, what they said, you can't follow the map, but if you don't know where you're going or don't really know what you want to happen.

And I think that's the challenge is sometimes they're like, I just don't want this chaos. Well, clearly, but what are the outcomes that we're trying to get to? And it's interesting because I'm not very goal oriented. I've accomplished a million things in my life. I don't have a vision of I want to be here and have this, but I do have a vision of I want to be this person. I want to feel this way and I want to be around these people. I want to have this impact. And then I like to see where life takes me with those things. What are the tenets, principles of the rising leader handbook? It's basically the codification of what I do in my coaching. So it's leading up becoming a trusted advisor nine times out of ten.

I'm working with super talented, super aggressive, super ambitious folks who are really good what they do, but they don't know how to handle a CEO. They don't know how to be a trusted advisor to someone else and kind of take their ego set it aside and work for the greater good. So it's leading up. Then it's leading across. How do you be a leader on a team full of other ambitious, energetic leaders? Right? Because again, you can be a bowl in a China closet. You can make enemies or you can build a coalition. You can build people who are going to support you when you get promoted. And they're like, yes, that person. I will follow that person. Then there's leading the team. And then the most important thing, which is I use all those other things for leading

crash and burn. I've watched friends die after they've made millions. I've watched marriages come apart. The best self-help, best spiritual program in the world is to become an entrepreneur. What happens is you start working on all these outer goals, you start working on creating this thing and it always comes full circle to who are you, what makes you tick, what makes you worthwhile and happy and what and fulfilled and what is going to be sustainable. It always comes back around that way, whether you do it by slamming into a wall or doing it proactively is your choice. I'm going to focus on one thing here because I think it's important. I think leading across is difficult. I struggled with that a lot and I think a lot of people in that target range that you

said that you helped, that's probably something they struggle with. Talk to me about maybe specifics of how they can help lead across. It's really important to check your ego. So for me, I was really good at either taking over or stepping back. I can lead and I could get everybody across the finish line or I could be a helper. I wasn't really good at keeping my power along with other people because all of myself doubts, all of my insecurities would show up. And when that happens, you start to have kind of weird relationships. So showing up your own self-worth and having people to talk to is so important, having a coach, having friends, having mentors. So you know who you are, you know your worth.

When you know who you are and you can trust that, then you can look to see how you can help the other team members win. What you want is you want everybody to win. You want it to be co-option. You want to shine. You want to be seen. You want to get promoted, but you want to do that in the context of making sure all boats rise. And that's the way to do it. You're going to warn them to people who are cutthroat, you're going to run into people who are dishonest. And if you can take the high road and you can really make your own way, it always, always, always brings you where you need to be. That's great advice Mark. And I think, as I heard you say that, I'm thinking to myself again, like I put myself

The first conversation I usually have is, why do I need to do that? I can't tell you how many times I've had a conversation of Mark, why do I have to care about other people? Why can't we just get shit done? And I have to have those conversations about what kind of work environment do you want to show up in? Who do you want at your funeral? Who do you want at your retirement party? What kind of world do you want to create around yourself? As we get established a reason for doing this, I point him towards Michael Jordan and the Bulls. When Michael Jordan was air Jordan on his own, they weren't winning championships. You know, he goes off to the Olympics. He learns about teamwork and comes back.

He brings that to the Bulls and all of a sudden they're unstoppable. He knows who's talented in what area the sum is is greater than the parts. It's the same thing for any team. You can do more with with everybody else's talent. There you go. As we close out, Mark, what's it good? Maybe something up your sleeve for those potential future leaders, current leaders, an exercise, something that might could be that our audience could take away in their leadership journey. I'm going to give you two. One is take care of your sleep, your exercise, your food and your well-being. If you're tired and you're grumpy and you're on edge, you're in fight or flight. If you're in fight or flight, you can't be creative. You can't create a relationship.

You can't think. Fight or flight just narrows it all down. And you're screwed. Add a deficit from the get go. So those people who are running on fumes are not anywhere close to even adequate and let alone their best. The second is a contemplation practice. You've got to go for walks without your phone. You've got to sit and drink coffee without your phone. You've got to be able to sit with yourself, your own feelings, your own thoughts, so that you can sit with other people's feelings and thoughts and craziness and stay centered and grounded. Very practical but very true. You're awesome, man. I appreciate you. Talk to me about where we can find more on your books, how to work with you, et cetera. Sure, so my website is markjsilverman.com, markthelaryjsilverman.com.

My first book only tens, which is yesterday was its 10-year anniversary, is free on my website, so you can go there and just grab a book. And that's my becoming an entrepreneur with ADHD and how I work with that. The Rising Leader Handbook is available. I have the Rising Leader podcast. I'm all over social media. They call that media mark with the video camera in my face all the time. Mark is out there. Go check out his stuff, super knowledgeable and doing a lot of great things in leadership space and just in preparing leaders for the modern world. Thank you, Mark, really appreciate you coming on. This was fun. Thank you so much. Hey guys, you're going to find us. Ryan is right.com. We'll find highlight clips.